Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
