I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
