Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
