I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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