If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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