It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
