Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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