nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
