how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
