even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
