Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
