Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
