He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
