Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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