Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
