I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
