you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
