we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
