i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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