is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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