separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
