my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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