i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
