Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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