Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
