it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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