Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and you fell through a lawn chair
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
