this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize