I think I died a long time ago.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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