I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You ruined the universe
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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