I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
