i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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