I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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