My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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