Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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