Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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