oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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