The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
