I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm jealous of your bromance
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
