the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
