it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
