Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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