you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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