My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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