i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
be right there i have to get my cape
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
