Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
