We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize