Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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