I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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