I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
