Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
