i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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