I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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