When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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