I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
