My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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