I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
