Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize