I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I look better un-naked...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
