By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
