I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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