on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
