This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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