dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
